As I wrote the letter it ceased being paper and ink and became the cries of a mourning soul screaming to the heavens without pride or prejudice in the most eloquently beautiful way. As I read the words of my soul again and again I became humble and as I stood in the street I set my soul on fire facing the western sky and let go. I let go and prayed. The love I needed I was given. Not by another but from the heavens above. True unadulterated love and serenity. Sometimes what we want and need are two completely different things. We have to let go. Of our pride, our wants, and have faith. At this moment, I'm at peace. Without malice, desire, lust, or regret. I'm free, and exactly how I'm meant to be... :) 

In the darkness

In the darkness

The fluidity of its speed surprises even me. It's ghostly fingers scratching at my existence with a vengeance I've never seen. Peeling away the layers of my heart and soul the sadness is replaced with anger, and the hurt replaced with a rage so pure it surely must have escaped the bowels of hell! I try and resist but I'm too weak and welcome anything that replaces the horrendous grief which has consumed my waking existence. Soon the darkness has done its job like a master clock maker. The precision it displayed in recreating me rivaled the precision of the stars. I am no longer in control, restraint given way to thoughtless action. All I see is red for the streets run deep in the blood of humanity. Each drop for every lie, for every painful emotion I've experienced. I have brought balance through the extinction of the human race. I no longer feel pain, nor sadness, or joy. I have become as vacant as the darkness that consumed me and as I stand in the middle of the street, blood to my knees I feel it is not complete for there is still me. I am as guilty for my suffering as humanity and without another thought I see the blood flowing down my neck and chest becoming one with the river of blood I stand in. As I slowly collapse in the darkness I realize that now I truly feel....nothing. 

By Matthew branton

I'll never say goodbye

You always liked the cold so it makes sense you left us in the winter to go on your final journey. Its funny how alike yet different we are. I never got to grieve you, that would mean you're gone and I never want to say goodbye. Id rather say I'll see you later. Every time I drive and push it i feel you there with me, like the good old days. It's getting harder though. The memory fading I find myself pushing harder. I can't go to hard or I'll find myself making the same last journey as you. Part of me doesn't care anymore though. I wish I could say goodbye but I'm not strong enough, you deserve to remain forever, as you were, as you graced this earth like the suns embrace. And so I remain for reasons I don't understand, wearing a smile, to fit in among the masses when the truth is I'm only alive when I push it and I just want to drive, for you, for us, forever.....

Purity

I came to a realization tonight. Whether it's tantric or from meditation is unclear. What is clear is I've never felt so free and serene. You see there are many forms of love in this plain of existance but the pure forms of love come with no labels or expectations. If you can love without being a typical human and expecting something in return then you are on another plain. Then comes something which many including me fear which is to be "in love" with someone. Should we tell them or should we keep it to ourselfs to not cause the other person stress? Months I've pondered what to do and if my actions were pure of heart and I realized that to be pure of heart and in love is simply that. It's how "I" feel and there is nothing wrong nor is there any malice to it. It is simply me being in love with the most glorious being I know without expecting anything in return or putting a silly label on it. That is pure, that is free. Cause I'm loving her without caging her, hence I'm not caging me. So my actions by telling her are just and pure and the first time in my life I've felt I've reached a new plane of love. Why? Cause I've finally understood love in it's basic and extrodinary forms. I love and am in love because it's my feelings and I expect nothing. This my friend is serenity. And I thank her for letting me be me and the wisdom she's shared which has helped me reach another plain. 

By Matthew branton

As I dance in the valley of purgatory straddling the wall that seperates darkness and light I can't help but wonder why I must choose a side. I know the darkness in the most intimate fashion more then any can truly comprehend. Yet, the light and love of eternity I've seen with my very own eyes. One need not have faith when they've already seen the cursed beauty of heaven. Coexisting beyond our comprehension we are both for we can not exist without the other. Why should I ignore the ravaging lust of darkness and only act upon the good? Is it for the promises I've made or for retribution of my earlier days? Do I dare think that in the grand scheme of time and space the minute reprocutions of my actions leave a scar upon this plain? Silly to ponder yet I truly wonder "what if". What if I lacked honor and integrity? What if I hadn't made the promises? Would I be me, or would I bring my dreams to life and blanket humanity with the ashes of there brethren? Truly a shame then, that we will never really know, for I'm stuck straddling the wall of purgatory between heaven and hell, waiting for her to choose....

By Matthew branton

A momentary glimpse of your elegant curves and radiant sultry smile is all that's required to bruise my eyes forever. Everytime you're close my spirit tries to break free and cling to you as if it had found perfection and doesn't want it to slip away. Blinded by your magnificence and knee quivering hottness I stumble on my merry way. Content yet distraught. Free yet I desire no other. Like a fool Im in to deep, I let myself go like a leaf on the wind and now I fear it'll never be. In silence I'll show restraint, for what could be gained if I speak? But truly you must already know, my eyes tell no lies for they are the gateway to the soul. In the end it doesn't matter, for who am I and what could I truly offer?..... 

By Matthew branton

Alone on the grassy plain my roots run deep into the moist cold earth yet the water no longer brings life. My branches bear no leaves for shade and the color of life has left me. Dark an ominous my shell remains. I am leaned on and used for support but no one stays for the beauty has gone. One day the fire will consume my dry coarse shell and the winds will scatter my ashes along the plain and the memory of all that i've done will fade away. Forgotten like the fog that was pushed away by the suns vibrant light. One day I will be no more for I was nothing to begin with. I was only "that tree", never "thee tree". 

By Matthew branton